18/04/2011

My A-Z of Twitter. Part two.

Right, D comes after C in my language so...

D is for Don't Take It Personally.
...because if you do, Twitter will destroy you.
I find myself getting a bit of writer's block trying to explain that, but basically you need to get yourself in the mindset whereby Twitter isn't real life, everyone on there is playing a character and if you let everything that's tweeted, every unfollow and every bad feeling get to you, then you're just gonna end up fucked up in the noggin. And no-one wants that.

Actually, let's all chant this whenever Twitter feels too real...
THERE IS NO SPOON.
...and hope the Wachowski brothers don't notice and sue me.
Actually they probably owe me for watching Speed Racer.

E is for Escape, of which there is none.
As far as I know, only one person has escaped Twitter, deleted their account and never come back. Of course, I'm not including disgraced celebrities, the dead or folk who never really started tweeting in the first place.
The usual "im leaving" routine usually comes about when someone gets bored with tweeting, or when someone pisses them off, or when they forget that there isn't a spoon, and someone closes their account. Now nine times out of ten, this isn't done quietly, as the escapee usually wants to have a rant first.
The next stage is the "where is blahblahblah gone?" As everyone realises the escapee is missing, this is usually about the point where the giant white balloon is chasing them, and they fall over.
Then, after a short time, usually a month, sometimes as little as two days, they pop back onto Twitter, usually with a new name, more often than not a protected profile so they can be more picky about their fans.
Then theres a few excuses given, "i deleted it by accident", "i missed your tweets" or "i missed looking at tits on Wednesdays" and all is right with the world again.

Be seeing you...

1 comment:

  1. About D, "the cake is a lie" also works! But you didn't hear that from me...

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