Waffles, pancakes, beards. Etc.

Hello you. Long time no see. Have you lost weight? No of course you haven't, i was just being polite, you fat pig.

Sorry, thought i'd start with a joke. But then couldn't think of one. But calling people fat pigs is good for a shocked chuckle. I do hope no actual fat people read that and end up crying themselves to sleep or anything. Although there has to be some weight in teardrops. Maybe crying is a good way of losing a few pounds. In that case, i bet Holland & Barratts will start stocking onions and nosehair pluckers as diet aids.

Forgive any uncapitalied is or random slepping errors in this post, i'm typing it on my phone's moderately shonky email app, in between doing funky locksmithing jobs. It's not the easiest thing to do, typing on a touch screen phone with a nintendo ds stylus, but hey, it could be worse, i might be typing on an iphone with my fat fingers and farming ridiculous predictive autocorrect. By farming i meant fucking, just thought I needed to explain that. I was making a hilarious autocorrect joke. Which on rereading i felt needed explaining. To be honest I should just delete this whole paragraph. Although that's actually difficult to do on my phone's email app. So it's like a viscous circle. Which is like a vicious circle, but stickier.

As you can tell from this post's title, i may have asked for topic suggestions off of the folk of twitter. Food and facial hair obsessed are that lot. No-one suggested boobies today, but someone did mention i blog about the US Mid-term elections, and there's enough tit there to satisfy that criteria.
To be fair, the only knowledge I have of US politics is from the movie Dave and the occasional uninterrupted five minutes of The Daily Show when gem isn't telling me to turn over to Come Dine With Me. But what I gather is that there is some sort of tea based movement that a lot of people don't like. Run by Earl Grey, the most royal person in America, the tea party movement is obsessed with getting americans to raise their pinky finger when they drink a cup of tea.
I have suspicions that this is somehow related to Gaffer and Sidney making a comeback at Tetleys. But I really shouldn't say much because the PG Tips monkey knows where I live.

Aaaand that's enough blogging for now, because I need a wee. And I wouldn't want to write a soggy blog.


1 comment:

  1. you watch out for those PG tips monkeys, I've heard they're knocking about with a bunch of bonobos these days, and you know what they are like! Tsk. no good will come of it, I can tell you.