Penguins are flightless birds that muck about in the arctic and such. Or the antarctic.
The one without the bears.
Anyway, they can swim, quite fast, but look like drunken idiots when they try and dive in.
Once every year or maybe fortnight, they march off to some place or other to find a mate. Apparently this involves singing bad pop songs. Like in Glee.
Anyway, then there's some egg making, and then the boy penguin looks after the egg while the girl penguin goes off shopping at mothercare or to get some fish for tea.
Penguins like fish, by the way. I'm not sure which fish is their favourite, probably tuna. Or trout. Or pilchard. Or shark. Actually, probably not shark. They'd never catch one.
Anyway, apparently tap dancing is not good for penguins.
Penguin's greatest enemy is obviously the most dangerous creature in all of nature - man. Or Godzilla. Actually, yeah. Godzilla would probably do more damage. Ooh and a tiger. A tiger could kill a penguin. Easily. It'd just slap it's face off.
Penguins are waterproof, but not fireproof, bulletproof or immune to lasers. Or tigers.
And that's everything i know about penguins, i hope it filled the penguin shaped gap of knowledge in your brain.
What? You wanted a witty political commentary on the upcoming general election? Nah, penguins are more fun.