Had a bit of Blogger's Block tonight (yes I do need to eat more fibre ho ho ho) so asked the lovely folk on that there Twitter to give three-word bloggy topic suggestions. They're a bunch of funny fuckers...
Wet Soapy Nipples.
Are always nice. In fact, I'm tempted to say bollocks to the blog and so some google image searching...
...back now. Right then, where was I?
Peaches and Cream.
I follow Peaches Geldof on that there Twitter. She's quite interesting, in a mental teeny-bopper kind of way. She probably likes cream. I don't like cream though. Except Wuzzy-aerosol Cream. I like wuzzing it into my mouth and making cream come out of my nose. How sexy am I?
Fish and Chips.
Not as nice as it used to be. Newspaper print improves the flavour.
In The News.
I don't tend to watch the news any more. Mainly because 90% isn't actually proper news. Politicians arguing the same point at each other, resolving nothing; celebrities either being fatter, being thinner or dying; or someone complaining about a war that it's too late to do anything about.
On The Run.
I used to think Nuns on the Run was a great film. That's why I refuse to watch it when it's repeated on TV, because I know my memories of the film will be destroyed by it's actual crapness. Much like watching The Real Ghostbusters on DVD.
What Is Next.
The future always makes me think HOVERCARS. Wake me up when we get Hovercars.
Who Has Died.
No-one worth blogging about has died recently, despite the media trying to force me to grieve.
Who Am I.
I am Al. How do you do?
Do I Care?
I think I'm pretty caring. I'll help an old lady who has fallen over and everything. Might not stop if I run over a cat though.
Shakey Step Ladders.
Shaking Stephens, five feet off the ground. This is why the Frontier in Batley is making a comeback.
Jolly Green Giant.
I preferred him when he sold toys in Leeds. He kind of lost his edge when he moved into selling sweetcorn and other forced-to-eat-by-evil-parents food. Also, why did he insist on wearing leaves? One gale-force wind and everyone would get a glimpse of his Jolly Green Jiggler.
Soapy Tit Wank.
One day. One day I will persuade the missus to give me one. And then I will tell you all about it.
Sun Rain Crap.
The weather is being all over the place recently, and being British, I feel the need to complain about it. I'm not a fan of heatwaves and all Summery weather, and am always grateful when it turns into a storm. Give me snow and days-off-work ice and I'm much happier.
Monsters Vs Aliens.
Bloody great movie. Get the DVD and force it's goodness into your eyes. Jess insists on calling B.O.B. 'Blob', this annoys me no end. Why can't she understand character name copyright? WHY?
Aliens Have Landed.
If Aliens did land, they'd probably avoid Huddersfield. It's too hilly and there are too many speed bumps. They'd probably go to Manchester or London. All the cool stuff goes there.
Little Cornets Please.
I had the most massive-est ice cream the other day. It was lovely. Felt a bit gurple afterwards though...
Terrorists Who Smile.
And why not? They're bastards who get to play with guns. Must be a lot of fun. They're probably weeping their eyes out when they're at home, and there'll be plenty of time for them to be sad when inevitable revenge attacks bugger up their life, so let them have a big grin while they do their naughty deeds.
Sesame Seed Bun. Victoria Sponge Cake. Etc.
I think the Twitter folk are hungry, they're obsessed with food.
Stephen Mulhern Why?
Because who else would present Britain's Got More Talent without trying to stab Piers Morgan in the face with a pin. He's employed because his violent urges have been calmed by his extremely close exposure to Holly Willoughby during his CITV days. She can calm a raging bull, she can. Oooh have you seen that photo of her with that drippy ice cream cornet? Oooh.
Ice Dancing Hippos.
This would be the only thing that would make me watch a dancing program on telly. And that would only depend on if they went mad and killed everyone after they'd finished dancing. The missus is scared of hippos since she discovered that they are evil monsters that kill people. Of course, she also thinks that Meerkats are deadly creatures, because a sign at Longleats stated...
Meerkats can withstand poisons
strong enough to kill a man.
My missus is a blonde under all that brunette hair.
Rail, Cake, Shoes.
Chuggington is a bloody addictive program. It's not as good as Thomas (although that suffers from too-many-series, too-many-characters syndrome), and it's CGI isn't as impressive as Underground Ernie (which goes for realism over toy-realism) but it's much more lovable and colourful. Jess made a cake out of play-doh the other night. She put candles in it for Gem and everything. I took a photo, but I can't be arsed uploading it off my phone. It basically looked a bit like a giant turd, you wouldn't be impressed anyway. And Shoes. I need some new trainers, who wants to send me some for free?
Terrible Times Past.
Why haven't we seen any retro-90s stuff yet? I know the whole decade was a mish-mash of retro-60s-70s-80s on it's own, but I was relatively cool back then, and I still own some of the clothes. Come on people, let the 90s revival begin!
Er, that's it now. Hope that was ok. Bifernow.